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Dear friends,
It has been a month after I came back. Time goes by really fast and I can’t believe a day from 6am-9pm just gone by. Perhaps it’s the tight schedule to makes me feel this way but sometimes I can’t wait for another holiday with the pressure from the work.
We found out many kids brought money and cell phone from home 2 weeks after school started. After a big search we found some secret which make us disappointed. They ignored our regulations and they repeat the misbehavior again and again. It hurts when a child looked right into your eyes and lied to you.
The pressure from the kids makes me feeling down recently. Teenage kids are rebellious, lazy, don’t like to study and the younger kids are naughty, playful and hates study too! I spent most of my time on these troubles kids and sometimes I feel bad for the good ones coz I didn’t really have time to pay them attention. I was talking to a big kids who lives in the school dorm recently and found out the live in the school wasn’t easy for them as well. No matter it’s because of the studies, living condition or being lonely. How I wish the kids will understand and treasure the chance of being here in the CV.
Here are some notes from my life.
Gathering with old friends 02/07/2011 Monday
I had a big reunion with my friends yesterday who know each other for about 20 years. As years gone by, whether our outer look or inner thought had changed. Many different pictures appeared in my mind, with happiness and sadness. And these memories are part of my growing process. I had mixed feeling of being touched and sighed because after a great moment of laughter I once again got back to my little own world.
A strike 02/19/2011 Saturday
Only few days I got back then I had a strike. A big girl who stays out told me her conversation with our younger boy during the winter break. This is what in his mind: “Being a King back home but a servant in the CV.” I can tell how bad he doesn’t want to come back to this place. Did we ever treat them like a servant? Didn’t we treat them like a king every day trying to provide them the best we can? We had tried our best to meet their needs for providing a home for them so that they don’t have to worry anything. But it seems they will never understand no matter how hard we try…
A lost sheep 02/22/2011 Tuesday
Austin ran away again today. He used to come back around sunset last few times but today he hasn’t show up until its dark. About 9pm I went to the front door and back door to looked for him with Edwin when we were about to lock the gates but we couldn’t find him even after I shout out his name. I started to worried for him about staying out for whole night. “I think I won’t be able to sleep good tonight”. This was what I told Edwin. But then I received Edwin’s called once I got back to my room and he said: “I think you can have a goodnight sleep tonight.” I asked him whether Austin is with him and he answered yes. He said he went to the front door again when he saw some light after walked into the building. After he found out what was going on then he found Austin was hiding in the bush. I’m thankful for this amazing experience otherwise I think this child will keep hiding there and dare not to come in. It was thrilled to see him and I told him what I felt. I hope he will be touched and try to avoid this bad habit. Looking at him I once again think of The Great Shepherd as He leaves aside other sheep just to look for the lost sheep. Every single sheep is so precious to Him.
I want to cry! 03/03/2011 Thursday
Today we went to search their closets and see if we can find anything. (Recently we found out the kids has cell phone and I suspect they also have some money) So end up we found few adaptors and cash. Then I went to search their school bag in the evening while they were doing homework and I found a lot of snacks from outside and also some cash! While I was busy searching the principal of the elementary school suddenly appeared and brought me shocking news. (Sorry I can’t tell you here) At the end I asked everyone to stay and went over all bags and pockets. I can tell some faces had betrayed them but still they denied they had done the wrong thing. I was really hurt and up sad. I didn’t have this feeling for a while, a feeling of being lie. It was already almost 11pm when I got back to my room, and I am so tired of this. For the very first time I have this feeling: thinking to give up and just leave. It seems like it will be always the same without any out come no matter how we educate them. The children still think this place is not good enough and we can never satisfy them. I really want to have a big cry!
Last words 03/04/2011 Friday
We never wanted to give up on Austin all these days but his behavior has been over our control so I had to send him home. He ran away again few days ago until late night. We didn’t let him in at the beginning and hope that this will scare him and not to run again. He cried out loud at the door and said something very hurtful. “wei shen me ni men bu yao wo?” means why did you abandon me? “na li cai shi wo de jia?” means where is my home? I was very sad to hear that at the other side of the door. Not that we abandon you Austin, it was you who kept ran away. And this is your home but just that you haven’t treat this place as your home. Isn’t what we gave wasn’t enough?
This is the last conversation I had with Austin the day before he left.
(Austin, do you have anything to say to me before you go?) um, I hope you will come to visit me in the future and when you come I will give you a present. (haha, what is that?) I want to give you a carrot..(?) and not to worry…(worry about what?) not to worry about me.. and I want to apologize to you.(why) coz YOU make me mad always (hey hey hey, it was YOU made me mad!!) haha ya, it was ME. And I want to apologize to Daniel and James. (why?) coz I stole their stuff. Um, and I want to wish you good health. (why?) coz your lower back is crooked.(how do you know?!?!) coz sometimes I saw you can’t walk straight. and jie jie, you shouldn’t bend down always otherwise your neck will hurt as well. And you should apply medicine in the night. (and what else?) um, when you are not happy, you should tickle yourself so that you will laugh. (why?) just like when you do exercise, you will get tired and your heart will “move around” (and what is it related with laugh?) coz when your heart moves, it’s just like a feather tickle you and makes you laugh.
Postscript：
（3/21/2011）Life became much relaxing without Austin but we do miss him a lot. We all hope he is OK. Today I called his guardian and asked him about this latest condition and found that he sent Austin to a village and living with a couple. This couple likes him very much and I do pray that this family will let him settle down and to be able to found his own heaven.
Prayer Request:
- Pray for my health and strength. Pray that I will continue to grow in Spiritually, Mentally and Physically.
- Pray for my family in Malaysia and Taiwan, may they will have peace and joy always.
- Continue to pray for Japan disasters. May God heal the broken hearts.
- Please pray for our kids in the CV and also remember there are more kids in China need to be take care and love.
To brothers and sisters in CUMC: I miss you a lot lately. Especially to the elderly, please send my regard to them. I miss your sweetness and kindness. Wish you all peace and well.
Thank you for your prayer and support. May God bless you.
His servant,
Joyce Mah
Sanming Herald Gratia Children Village
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